12.01.03
the lady from younkers must have sensed my distant animosity because she called back and i went to the interview and i got the job so yay for me. i made gingerbread houses and chocolate suckers and christmas ornaments at grandma's and helped out with the noisy little kids but i had fun and i don't mind little kids as long as i can send them home afterwards. i finally cleaned out my car. so nice. i picked up lauren at the airport and she gave me st. louis shot glasses and james gave me cookies for giving him a ride home. my plans to see gothika have been foiled for yet a second time, but i got to see the musical episode of buffy so that made it all better. i took a pregnancy test and it said "nay" but i'm still going to see if i get my period but i'm feeling all bloaty so that's a good sign. i don't get this, but someone from the slayden crew kept calling my cell at 2:30 in the fucking morning and then i get home to find out they called my house and my dad was all pissed and i have no idea why they called but it better be good because anyone who calls my house that late has a death wish. now i am dead-ass tired from sooper dooper sex and i don't feel like going to work or school. but i will. and then new job orientation. and then i will have enough money to buy some things like tuition or birth control or a new car. until then, somebody's gonna be having a case of the mondays. ta ta.
Lisa | 3:30 AM
12.05.03
i've been slacking in the blog department. but hell, i've only been home to sleep these days, so it seems. sean and i have gotten into major bond mode i think. less sex, more friendship. but as rob pointed out the other night, there's a small part of me that wishes it were more. sounds wrong what with the whole "i already have a serious boyfriend whom i love very much" thing, but i can't help it. we see each other almost every day, and i'm content just to go over there and sleep on the couch and watch some stupid movie and not really do much of anything. i bought his christmas present early - a dvd of "young frankenstein." we went to see it on our first non-date. i figured it'd be sentimental and a decent gift at the same time since all we EVER do is watch movies. and cuddle. lots of cuddling. sean told me he was gonna get me the soundtrack to the musical episode of "buffy" because it's now like one of my favorite episodes and i always have the songs stuck in my head. wednesday was drinking night and rob came over and i didn't really get too drunk and i learned how to play texas hold 'em. it's really a very addicting game, but i lost track of what i won and lost so i just said screw it because he owed me ten bucks anyway. ohhh, it's just so WEIRD. it's rare that i feel so close to someone. i don't know what's going through my mind. i can't say it's love because it's not really. but i care about him and he's pretty much my best friend and i don't want to fall in love with him because i already love someone else. i dunno. i'm happy with where we are, and i hope it stays that way.
i started my period. i'm not pregnant. yayness.
thursday i went to a funeral for my great-uncle. it's was very conservative and held in a beautiful cathedral and it was cold and dreary outside and all these men had on their long, black trenchcoats and i felt like i was stuck in the early sixties in a mob movie. it was nice to see all my family though, since i hardly even see them at christmas, and most of them i haven't seen for at least four years. it's a little intimidating to have them all together in the same place though, because that side of the family is extremely intellectual. i started hanging out with the adults insted of than the children rather quickly, listening to conversations about topics where i had no idea what was going on. but it was nice. i was learning and observing and thinking. god, i never stop thinking. it drives me crazy sometimes. i wish it could all just stream out onto paper with me having to try and put it into words or anything like that because i tell you, you'd be fucking amazed some of the things that rush through my mind.
my back hurts. i think i got all twisted in a pretty messed up way on sean's couch and now my lower back is doing this weird spasmy thing every so often and i paralyze for half a second and it hurts like a mother.
i gotta go work on a project. out.
Lisa | 4:58 PM
12.09.03
tuesday morning and it's cold as fuck out. the power was out in my neighborhood because there was some sort of powerline transformer fire and i have this high maintenance hairdo that looks really bad when it's not blow-dried. i'd keep my hat on all day if i could, but i'm not allowed to do that at work. there was like an inch of ice on my car windows so my dad volunteered to help with the scraping. next week is finals and i don't even want to think about it. today's the last day for two of my classes which is no fun because i still haven't finished all my late work. i'm such an idiot. i got a christmas present from sean yesterday. it's the soundtrack to the musical episode of buffy. he called me during class to say "i got your present today! but can i open it and listen to it first?" there's a big going-out-of-business sale at sam goody in the oak view mall so this friday (payday) i'll have to do some christmas shopping. hmm, it's cold, i'm tired, i don't want to go to class because i'll only fall asleep. i don't want to go to work because it's way dangerous on the roads and not worth it to drive all the way across town and back. i'm poor and i'll be hungry and i REALLY want that timestopper. i don't know what else to say....nothing profound. i'm too tired and cold and i have to get to class. out.
Lisa | 9:08 AM
12.14.03
the snow is melted only on the busy streets; the side streets still dangerous as hell. i spent the last two nights at sean's, not intentionally of course. my feelings towards the younkers job have been vascillating. yesterday i had a good day, so we'll see what happens tonight. finals start tomorrow and i have not yet prepared myself. my eating habits have been wayward and my money disappeared before my eyes. i made the mistake of eating cinnamon after brushing my teeth. out of goodwill i doled out free favors for those who needed them. my gas tank is almost empty and my leg is sore from sleeping funny. all original thoughts of profoundness have left my head and my vocabulary has grown due to the obsessive/addictive reading of "buffy the vampire slayer" episodes. i know i'm not much fun right now, but maybe i'll get back into my writing niche when i see something in the world more inspirational than saddam hussein's capture or homeless people freezing on the street. three people died in my dream and i was smoking candy-coated cigarettes. i need a muse.
Lisa | 11:34 AM
12.15.03
Twas the night before finals, and all though the college,
The students were praying for last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.
Out in the taverns, a few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor would loosen their thinking.
When all of a sudden, my door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put It off ambled inside.
"What kind of student would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers what they tossed at us?"
"OnCliff Notes! On Crib Notes! ON Last Year's Exams
On Wingit and Slingit, and Last minute crams"
"Your teachers have pegged you, so just do your best,
Happy Finals to All, and to All a good test!"
Lisa | 7:28 AM
12.17.03
finals are over. i didn't finish them all but fuck it! i'm so done with semester. i was all ready to party but friends are nowhere to be found. they're all out working or flying home for the holidays or taking care of their children. damnit! instead i sat in fornt of my computer...started up on the seasons of "angel." i was watchin my friend on his webcam....some guy came over and totally picked his nose while my friend was out of the room. wiped it on the chair or some shit like that. sick, man. i scrounged up all the booze i could. two shots of beefeater and a beer. uh oh, gin all gone. i found
maggie's blog by chance. she's always been a funny girl. very glamorous. i gotta work 17 hrs this weekend, but it's all good. anyone lookin to party next week? give me a call. the royal tenenbaums is playing at dundee tonight, but i hate going to the movies alone. it makes me feel pathetic. i just recently got over eating in a restaurant by myself. 'course i reserve it strictly for fast food. nachtwey came back to town. told me he wanted to make out with me. i'm sure he was just jokin though. i'm gonna marry him someday. but probably not. nonetheless, his girl of the future is a lucky one at that. stinkman's coming home tonight. it's been so long since i've seen him. we have some major catching up to do. colin's already been in town for awhile. we had lunch last week. i'm definitely gonna have to invite him to sean's party. i got my car back tonight, and i spent all my money on new shoes and cigarettes. i painted my nails with cilver glitter but then changed my mind. i'm on my way to tipsy and i'd love to get some weed. haven't had any since august. no one will deal it to me though, not even my friend's mom! depressing. well i'm gonna go make some calls and get back to my addictive reading and drinking and smoking. maybe jack off. it's been awhile since i've done that, too. out.
Lisa | 12:31 PM
12.21.03
all this studying i've planned to do - down the drain. i left myself fall asleep again and again. and again. i've been smoking cigarettes and downing aspirins left and right in hopes that they contain some magical power to help me pass my first semester in college. all the papers i need to finish, no, iI only have time to finish one. i am so fucked and it's all my fault and i'm trying to avoid the stress, but what am i going to do if i fail? someone come and make everything work out for me. please. :( i'm so sad.
my car broke down AGAIN last night. some sort of hose broke and my temperature guage shot through the roof and the engine started rumblimg more than usual and i could smell burning and steam was eminating from the cracks of the hood. my dad saved me, yet again, took me home and got my car to the shop. i have to borrow rick's car today.
i am so blah. i don't want to be at home. i don't want to go to work. i don't want to deal with school. i used to be so motivated. i used to want to excel in life. now look at me. i don't do my homework, i'm late for work, i never come home and i never see my family. it's all just a downward spiral and i'm not going to wake up one morning and no one will care. actually that's wrong. i believe lots of someones will care, but they'll all agree that it's my own fault. i'm in such a rut and there's no hope of getting out. what am i going to do??? i almost wish i was religious again, but i don't think praying really works. look where it's gotten me so far.
Lisa | 1:19 PM
finals are over. i didn't finish them all but fuck it! i'm so done with semester. i was all ready to party but friends are nowhere to be found. they're all out working or flying home for the holidays or taking care of their children. damnit! instead i sat in fornt of my computer...started up on the seasons of "angel." i was watchin my friend on his webcam....some guy came over and totally picked his nose while my friend was out of the room. wiped it on the chair or some shit like that. sick, man. i scrounged up all the booze i could. two shots of beefeater and a beer. uh oh, gin all gone. i found
maggie's blog by chance. she's always been a funny girl. very glamorous. i gotta work 17 hrs this weekend, but it's all good. anyone lookin to party next week? give me a call. the royal tenenbaums is playing at dundee tonight, but i hate going to the movies alone. it makes me feel pathetic. i just recently got over eating in a restaurant by myself. 'course i reserve it strictly for fast food. nachtwey came back to town. told me he wanted to make out with me. i'm sure he was just jokin though. i'm gonna marry him someday. but probably not. nonetheless, his girl of the future is a lucky one at that. stinkman's coming home tonight. it's been so long since i've seen him. we have some major catching up to do. colin's already been in town for awhile. we had lunch last week. i'm definitely gonna have to invite him to sean's party. i got my car back tonight, and i spent all my money on new shoes and cigarettes. i painted my nails with cilver glitter but then changed my mind. i'm on my way to tipsy and i'd love to get some weed. haven't had any since august. no one will deal it to me though, not even my friend's mom! depressing. well i'm gonna go make some calls and get back to my addictive reading and drinking and smoking. maybe jack off. it's been awhile since i've done that, too. out.
Lisa | 11:36 PM
12.20.03
did you know...
....when you pour bud light over ice is makes lots and lots of foam? but it still tastes good.
....when a man tells you he has to call you back in a few minutes because he needs to take a piss, he really has to go spend an hour on the john taking a dump and he'll get back to you some time next week?
....when you're on a mission to get drunk you go through your whole pack of cigarettes before you even know what hits you?
.... it is not proper etiquette to wipe your boogers on your neighbor's chair? it is common courtesy to stick it discretely under the coffee table next to your chewed up gum from last month.
Lisa | 12:05 PM
12.21.03
no one reads my blog anymore :(
Lisa | 12:42 PM
12.22.03
it's been a long weekend of hard work. younkers - nine hours on saturday, eight on sunday, and all day today at the office. and all day tomorrow, too. but i don't mind so much. i started working in men's where i have more friends. i'm so frickin popular at that joint, they've asked me to stay on after the holidays. not to mention i'm good at what i do. took a smoke break with tyree, dinner with jen. it's all good. every time i meet someone that smokes pot, i act like a dumb ass and ask them to hook me up. what can i say? no one wants to be a dealer. fuckin sucks. i stayed at sean's till 5:30 in the a.m. last night. i got maybe an hour of sleep which led me to doze off at the office. i got yelled at, but it was deserved. i got so hooked on season two of "24" that i lost track of time....sort of....i just don't like going home. i got most of my christmas shopping all done. and i am an EXPERT when it comes to wrapping gifts. most of you don't know my creative, artsy side, but it's been there since i was a kid. i used to get in a lot of fights in grade school, so in return for good behavior, i could skip recess and do craft shit. it worked for awhile. until i found out that the other class got to dissect cow's eyes in science class and we didn't. it was then and there that i decided to hate my fifth grade teacher and never be nice to her again. there were a few times in my past where i was alomst expelled, but i think i was just too lovable for them to let me go. and maybe the fact that i had kickass parents who always helped me out had something to do with it. but i'm over the whole aggression phase. counselors never worked. once i hit high school, things were a little better. no boys around to get me all riled up. and then of course seth had a huge influence on me and i became excessively nonchalant. i think i'm rounding it all off to a happy medium. i'm off to go finish the rest of "dreamcatcher" (crazy shit right there) and catch up on some z's. out.
Lisa | 4:50 PM
12.24.03
merrrry kwanzanakhamas
stabbed myself with scissors yesterday at work. ate spag-o's and cheezy eggs last night for dinner. padre said it reeked like puke. think he was right. writhed in my bed last night forcing myself to throw up and swallow it back down. found some chunks of macadamia nut along the way. finally zonked out around one in the a.m. listening to the bbc only to me woken up at 3:30 by a phone call from sean. slept four hours past my alarm and felt like shit. spent my shower figuring out how to spell "antidisestablishmentarianism" to song. put facial soap in my hair. pissed down the dain for five minutes straight. yeah, i'm one sick mutha. collecting marlboro miles like a madman. smoked my last cigarette and got hiccups that only lasted thirty seconds. bonked my knee on the bed post muttering "ow! motherfucker!" through clenched teeth. found a hole in my favorite jeans - the ones so baggy they fall down when i walk. rummaged through the dirty hamper lookin for a t-shirt. put on a bra i haven't cleaned since gecko dropped his dirty condom on it. sick. had to restart my computer twice because it was slow as shit. eyebrows are so fuckin thin, someone hide the god damned tweezers! gotta go buy presents with cash i don't have, or rather, don't wanna give up. gotta look pretty. gotta go to everyone's house and mignight mass at the oh-my-fuckin-god-they're-all-hotties-all-boy high school. oy what a day, and i haven't even been up an hour yet. like i said, merry fuckin kwanzanakhamas.
Lisa | 1:04 PM
i stabbed myself with the scissors again.
DAMN IT!
Lisa | 3:10 PM
simple tasks you'd think i'd be able to do
1. keep my shoes tied
2. zip up my fly
3. make ice
Lisa | 3:12 PM
12.25.03
[
music| holy shit! it's christmas]
hey all. i'm reporting to you live via my brand new laptop. my dad forced me to give him a christmas list, so i wrote down all the things i needed.... instead he gets me something i totally thought was useless in the past. but with my current computer on the fritz every two seconds, i think i'll grow more appreciative of the laptop as time goes on and i get used to it. christmas this year sucked. i missed my mom. i missed my friends. seth made me cry. i got in a fight with sean. and i'm totally lacking for parties. i attempted to lift my spirits with some spirits - egg nog spiked with kaluha. meh, it was okay. my cousin promised me the hookup on some trees. it's about damned time. grr, sean's not returning my calls. i hope he gets over it soon. i'd be very sad without him. i've grown somewhat dependable. okay, i don't want to blog anymore. i hate laptop keyboards. maybe i'll watch a movie in the comfort of my own bed. tell ya more later. out.
and show some comment love. it's getting lonely 'round these parts.
Lisa | 9:37 PM
